the gift of purchasing overpriced concert tickets

Isn't it so interesting when you set an intention or declare you want something for yourself, the universe sends a test?

Yesterday I had an idea to surprise Brian with concert tickets to a show and go on a date night. 

I thought. I needed to purchase at that moment before he bought the tickets or before they sold out.

That thought felt very urgent, so I went to the first website selling them and clicked purchase.

Moments later, I had a thought.

I should have checked other websites.

So I did

And I found that I paid DOUBLE for the tickets.

I instantly went into panic mode.

I tried to cancel the order.

But it was too late, and there were no refunds.

I felt my body tense up and even start to sweat.

I slowed my breathing to let the shame pass-through.

Something so simple as buying overpriced concert tickets sent me into a shame spiral.

Our triggers are our teachers, who can show you where you are not free. My intention for 2023 is to GO SLOW, and here I was quickly and impulsively buying something, which was the exact opposite of how I want to show up for myself.

I instantly wanted to distract myself from feeling the negative emotions and popped on Instagram. 

And then I realized I needed to face this trigger head-on.

So what did I discover?

I fell into the urgency scarcity trap, followed up with shame, and beating myself up.

It's a pattern that has shown up in so many places in my life.

So I had a loving chat with myself.

I started to talk to myself with compassion and curiosity, and the most amazing thing happened.

My body softened.

I wasn't as tense.

I let it go so I could learn from it.

So when I have moments like this, I ask myself: how is this a lesson or a blessing?

And I viewed it as both.

I learned that I need to be even more on to myself about the sneaky thoughts that create urgency.

And I need to practice more with the pause — taking a breath and slowing down my actions.

It was also a blessing because I uncovered an unconscious pattern that has been hiding for a year, and for the first time, I was able to recognize it, and now I know what to do next time.

I also believe this was a blessing because instead of spinning out with mean self-talk, I was able to redirect  with compassion and curiosity, and it helped chip away at the cycle,

Our lessons hide in plain sight. Something I could have chalked up as no big deal, but it was a big deal because it shined awareness on an area I'm working on.

That's how I think intentions work - instead of doing things "perfectly" or "not making a mistake," it's about doing things imperfectly so you can be aware of them and learn from them.

And THAT'S how we evolve.

So next time something triggers you - remind yourself it's an invitation to heal.

If I hadn't made my intention to slow down for 2023, I wouldn't have been able to see the pattern and bring awareness so that I can change.